I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
