OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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