I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
