AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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