You smell like a Billy Joel song
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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