you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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