I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
