yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
