Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
