actually, I'm a sock model
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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