I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
