omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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