Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
