also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
