The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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