I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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