and you said cock pushups were impossible
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
