fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
