I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
