He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
