hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
