After last night, I could never be a politician.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
