oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Every concussion has its silver lining
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
