Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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