wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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