Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
