I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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