are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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