I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You are a booty call, not a friend.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
