areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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