Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
