none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
