We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
