Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
