The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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