She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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