cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
