I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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