can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
