Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
