And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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