**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I FOUND THE LEGS
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
