there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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