i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
