marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
