I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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