I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
