i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
