I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
