I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
