Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
