using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
