I murdered the dance floor call the cops
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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