you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
