I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
as a side note pls kill me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
