Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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